Believer
by deansiris
Summary: [Reader Insert] Dean had never thought he could fall for someone this way, but that was until he met you. [The fic is from Dean's POV]


I never thought I would be feeling this way about anyone ever. Not after Lisa. I just couldn't afford that. Another heartbreak. Another what if. What if I wasn't a hunter, what if this wasn't my life. But I never searched for the answer, I never wanted to. I was too afraid of the answer. I was sure; sure that this was going to be my life. A life with no white-picket-fence-happily-ever-after. No future. I was done falling in love, done trying, done holding on to people. But then I met her. And she changed my whole damn world in a way I could never imagine.  
I remember the first time I met her. Sam and I were on a job in Colorado. It was a ghoul hunt. We had called Bobby for some help and he'd been keeping tabs on us since. The ghoul was fast and clever, almost had us. He had Sam already knocked out on the floor of the dirty dungeon like place. He had his hands wrapped tightly around my neck. I was struggling in his grip, all the air already knocked out of my lungs. I knew I needed to do something, and fast, but before I even thought of something, I saw the light vanish from its eyes. His grip loosened on me, allowing me to fall free on my feet. When I looked up, the ghoul's head was dropped on the ground in front of me, as his body followed. And behind him, I saw her. Her hands still up in air, holding the machete tightly in place, her face now sprayed in crimson red. Her hands fell to her sides as she let out a sigh as a faint smile started spreading across her face but instantly fell when she saw Sam limply sitting with his back supported with the wall. She hurried towards him and fell to her knees trying to check him for injuries. Fortunately, he was fine, just a little blow on his head that knocked him out but now he was coming back.  
"Are you okay?" she asked him.  
"Uh yea, yea." He mumbled.  
He looked around for me and gave me a smile when he saw I was alright. She helped him up because apparently I was too busy in watching her. We went back to a diner where we could have a talk with her in a 'little less depressing place' as she said.  
She told us that when we didn't return Bobby's messages, he got worried so he sent her to look for us.  
"He was worried about you guys, so he called around. I was the closest hunter around therefore he asked for help and well, here I am." She sat across from me holding her drink in her hands.  
"That's great. Thanks for the help." Sam thanked her giving her his boyish smile.  
"No problem." She replied, smiling back as she took a sip from her drink, emptying the glass.  
"Uh I don't think I caught your name." I said to her to which she gave me a side smirk.  
"I never gave it to you." She winked at me. With this she started standing up as I watched. I could see Sam grinning at me from the sidelines.  
"I got to go now. But I'm sure we'll meet again someday and hopefully when no one's dying." She waved a last goodbye and then she was gone.  
I remember thinking that maybe I'll never meet her again, and feeling sad about it? I was confused about why I felt that way about someone who I had just met. But maybe that's because my heart deep down already knew that she wasn't just someone.  
I met her again a couple months after, and this time I was adamant at not letting her go without telling her name. Well, eventually I was successful in getting her name; and her number as an extra bonus.  
The next few months I met her almost every now and then. There was something intoxicating about just being with her. Her laugh was contagious. I could swear that just having her along with us made me feel better, braver.  
I was driving down a deserted road, and she was sleeping in the passenger seat next to me. Her head rested on the window. I looked down towards her sleeping figure. There was no doubt that she was a brave badass hunter, but when I saw her sleeping, she looked so ...soft. Fragile even. I wanted to touch her, but it felt like if I did, I might break her.  
There was this thing about her. No matter how dark the situation, she always managed to beat it. And yes, Sam and I have faced some situations ourselves, but we could never do it the way she did, that is, without losing hope. No matter how crappy life got, she managed to smile through it.  
Soon enough we invited her to live with us at the Men of Letters Bunker. I told her and _myself_ that it was for her safety, but obviously that wasn't all. She hesitated at first but agreed soon. Now, that she started living with us, my feelings grew more prominent. I wasn't able to ignore them anymore. I think I was in love with her. I don't think there was a specific moment when that happened, I think it was the little things, but boy did I fall hard.  
She was nothing like me. I have always been practical and down to earth. Being in this life made me like this. But not her. She still believed in destiny and magic and true love. I thought of myself as a monster that didn't deserve to be saved. But she always used to say, _not all monsters do monstrous things_ God knows where she got that from.  
I feared that I didn't deserve her.  
We parked Baby in the middle of the clearing near town. It was something her and I had started doing whenever we had free time. It was her idea when we did this the first time. I climbed out of the car and rushed to her side and helped her out. She said something about being a gentleman. We sat at the hood of the car staring at the clear night sky that was filled with hundreds of stars. We would just sit in silence like that for hours sometimes, without saying a word to each other. She said she liked doing this because she got to look at the most beautiful sight in the world, it made her feel good. I liked doing this for the exact same reason. But the most beautiful sight for me wasn't just the starry sky. My version of the most beautiful sight included her. The twinkle in her eyes as she stared at the sky, her lips spread across her face in that faint smile of awe. I would stare at her for straight up minutes at a time shamelessly like a creep.  
One of these nights I gathered my courage up to confess all my feelings to her. My heart couldn't keep them in anymore. I needed her to know.  
And I still owe Sam to force me to do so. Because the feeling when her lips touched mine for the first time, the feeling when I heard her say that she loved me too...I could never explain it. I could only thank all the gods in the world for making me the luckiest man alive.  
How could such a small, hardcore person turn my life this much around? The way (y/n) danced around in my AC/DC t-shirt which didn't fit her at all, but damn she still looked so beautiful. I didn't know it was even possible to be so beautiful. She would tease me with the last slice of pie but always end up sharing it with me. She had to be the most perfect person in the whole world- I did not understand at all. She came out of nowhere, a perfect slice of fucking heaven right into my life. And most of all, she gave me hope. For once in a long time, I could see something in the future which was good. She saw me at my worst and still though I was the best. She made me believe again.  
We are at a church now. I don't remember how things got to this. I can still feel the presence of the small velvet box in my jacket pocket. I was going to ask her to marry me. But now I am barely holding myself together. My back is supported by the wall, hands limply lying at my sides. My vision is blurry, but I can make out that someone is running towards me. I think its Sam.  
"Hey, hey, hey. Hang on buddy. Please." He said. Panic clear in his voice. He was sitting down in front of me, holding me up by my shoulder while desperately muttering my name. I hear another set of footsteps enter. "Dean!"  
It was (y/n). She sprinted towards me dropping to her knees instantly. Hot wet streaks of tears streaming down her cheeks.  
"Dean! No! Please look at me!" she cried, cradling my head in her eyes.  
"(y/n)..." I forced myself to speak. "I... I'm...die.." she cut me off.  
"Hey! Shut up! You're not dying, you listen to me? You're not dying!" she said.  
I coughed out some blood to speak more clearly this time. "I...I wanted to tell you something..."  
"Okay, I'll listen, but not now. You get better and then you tell me that okay? You're not... you're not going anywhere. You hear me?! "  
I finally understood that happily ever afters were never made for someone like me. Maybe this was destiny's way of saying that I don't deserve her. I collected whatever strength that was remaining in me, "(y/n) I love you. I love you so much. But... It's better this way. I don't deserve you. Promise me you won't try to bring me back and that you'll move on. I ..."  
"What?! No! Dean? Dean?!" she cried. She shook my body and cried over and over, begging for it to move, but it didn't.  
I had started believing again, but I guess that wasn't enough. She was my heaven, but maybe I was her hell. She'll be better without me, I told myself, as I let myself go.

Actions


End file.
